Weirdly Shaped and Well Photographed

… a blog about clothing for curves, bras for giant boobs (and tiny backs!), and escaping the scourge of the dreaded BoobLoaf and ButtChest.

The Heart of Haute Milan Dress: Sometimes I Just Want to Feel Pretty


Do you want to know how often I think of you, Gentle Readers?  Enough that I am currently on a train to San Francisco, having gotten up five hours earlier than usual, and I am writing a brog entry.  See?  It’s all the time!  But blogging is SERIOUS BUSINESS, so oftentimes entries get started but aren’t good enough to publish, or they get derailed along the way and never finished, or… Oy.  So many possible issues.  I am committing to finishing this one, though, because I really have to tell you about this dress and the company that makes it.

Attempts to pet the ducks were sadly not successful.

I can’t remember how I first heard about Heart of Haute; it could have been from the beautiful, gracious and oh-so-stylish ladies at June Bugs and Georgia Peaches, or from the Darling Dames online (you know who you are, lovelies), or… Who knows.  I should really write these things down, but then, I should also really do things like blog regularly, keep my apartment clean, not wait so long to get pedicures that there are just asymmetrical blobs of polish left on my big toes… *sigh*  One day.  Anyway, despite being a newcomer to my list of clothing company loves, Heart of Haute is quickly rising to the top.  I don’t know how much of their clothing is friendly to BOUS* yet, but the two pieces I have are wonderful, and I’d like to introduce you to to one of them today.

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I should really find a way to keep the end of the belt from sticking out like that. Hrm. Any thoughts, my beloved Readers?

The Milan dress is a wonderful 1950’s-style cut which Heart of Haute makes in a lovely variety of colors and prints.  I chose the orange floral largely because it was on sale at the time, but I really could not be happier – the colors are so lovely and vibrant, and they suit my complexion and hair perfectly (well, I think they do at least).  When deciding where to shoot this, for pretty much the first time ever I didn’t really have a specific character in mind; I just wanted the pictures to be really pretty, because this dress simply can’t be presented properly any other way.  I had a trip to Tucson planned already and had been in touch for a while with a photographer there who was interested in working with me, and when I messaged him about possible shoots and he told me about a rose garden in a park, I knew it was meant to be.

They day of, I got up earlier than usual to try to make my hair as glossy and flowy as possible – WHABAM –

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(Still not very glossy or flowy, but I tried.)

– did my makeup in a way I desperately hoped would work in the bright desert sunlight, and then set off cheerily into the not-as-bad-as-it-could-have-been heat of the day.  We had discussed something of a “stop and smell the roses” theme with a traveler wandering from her path after discovering a hidden garden, and with this in mind I had kidnapped Izzy of Voluptuous and Beautiful the day before to hunt for vintage luggage to complete the look. We found just the thing: a small blue suitcase that I just adored.  Picture here just because I love the suitcase so much:


Seriously, I am cuddling the suitcase in those two pictures. That is how much l love it. MISS SHAPEN + SUITCASE 4EVA!!! <3 <3 <3

So there I was the next day in Tucson, photographer ready to go, at the park in question, only mildly alarmed by the wind (which was hastily undoing any and all work done on my hair), when WHAT’S THIS?  We discover that the rose garden is closed for the day.  A wedding or some such nonsense.  Harrumph.  Of course this had not been posted online or in any other useful place, and of course there wasn’t another day we could do the shoot.  So we re-themed.  And the new theme is…


A pretty dress in a pretty place in pretty pictures.

I know.  So original.

I know.

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Don’t you sass me.

Anyhow, luckily for me Justin is an excellent photographer and was a great sport, totally able to adapt to the new plan, and we sallied forth to explore the rest of the park.  I hope you all like the results as much as I do.

I’m going to leave off the narrative now and just tell you about the dress.  As I mentioned before, the print is just gorgeous, and I really appreciate that they didn’t scrimp at all on the material; the skirt is delightfully full and good for twirling, and the gathering and pleating on the bust means that there is enough material to cover quite a bit of bust. Because of that feature, I was able to take my regular size (small) rather than sizing up, which I appreciate tremendously.

I am being a model here. Look how serious and pensive I am!

Another feature I love is the matching belt – the dress would look fetching enough with a white belt or something along those lines, but having one in the same fabric makes it that much more special.  It’s a slide belt, which I’m always torn about; a lot of belts with buckles end up being too large for me and needing extra holes punched in them, but slide belts sometimes come loose throughout the day, often quite quickly.  Luckily, Heart of Haute posted This Helpful Video that shows to how to get around the loosening problem, which means that the belt is basically ideal and the dress and belt together are the new love of my life.  Sorry Orlando Bloom.  You’re still pretty, too.

Am I daydreaming about more dresses? About Orlando Bloom? WE’LL NEVER KNOW.

The only thing I would change about this dress would be to take the shoulders up a bit, but that’s not a failing of the dress; I just have teeeeeny tiny little shoulders, and I should probably be having the shoulders taken up in everything it own.  Because I haven’t done that yet, I have to be careful with the bust of the dress, as when the shoulders have slid down a bit it can get a bit gape-ey.  Once I pinch up the extra material that would be altered out, though, the fit is basically perfect.  Perfect enough that it may be my new favorite swing dress cut of all time.  Seriously.

Oh, The Wind. You sure are doing the opposite of what I would want you to with my skirt here. Thanks.

Unfortunately, as a starving artist, $140 dresses are well out of my price range at the moment, so I can’t indulge my strong desire to own this dress in every color and print they make it in.  One day, though, when the winds have changed and my fortunes increased… Oh, Gentle Readers, then how well-dressed I will be!  Just you wait.  That day is coming, I know it.  Someday.

Our heroine looks off into the distance, thinking of bygone days and dresses to come, and helpfully showing the back view of the dress to the camera.

In the meantime, a girl can dream, and these are a few of my favorite colors to imagine wearing:


Clockwise from top left: Milan dresses in Celery Sateen, Lake, Rust, and Ultra Sateen Black.

I also fantasize often about this dress, despite not knowing whether the bust space would work, because, well, look at it.

Heart of Haute Monique Dress in Peacock Royale

In the meantime, I love my dress, and I’m looking forward to introducing you to the other Heart of Haute piece I own, the charming Estelle blouse.  Here’s a random OOTD pic I took a while ago to whet your appetite.

It’s pretty e-stellar, no? Crap. That pun really works better out loud than it does in text. Argh. Anyway, sorry about the wrinkles – this is straight out of the bag.

I’d love to hear from any similarly-shaped readers about the comparative fit of any of the other Heart of Haute dresses and tops, as I always have an eye on their clearance rack and will one day have the purchasing power to get All The Dresses And Things, and I want to be well-prepared to do so.  Help appreciated.  :)

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Standing in heels (even short ones) on a bunch of tree roots on generally uneven ground while trying to look all peaceful and pretty = Not Awkward At All. Really.

So I suppose that’s about it, Gentle Readers.  Rose garden or no, I still implore you to appreciate the finer things in life, big or small.  I know I do.  Hedonism forever!  A beautiful dress and a sweet-smelling flower are a good start.


Company: Heart of Haute

Item: Milan Dress in Orange Femme Floral

Size: Small

Price: $138 US


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Bonus pic and anecdote: I wore this out in Tuscon to wander about the city and then go to a Beck concert (concert bathroom selfie pic here – so classy), and at one point as I was walking up the street, it literally stopped a conversation. I was approaching this group of dudes who were standing about discussing some random thing which I could vaguely overhear but now don’t remember, and as I got closer  they just trailed off, one in mid-sentence, and stared. As I walked away, I heard, “Wow…” and then “Uh… Yeah… What were we talking about?” This dress, people. You have to get one. Can’t go 20 feet without getting a compliment on it whenever I wear it.


Fit:  9/10 – The only issue I have is the shoulders being too big, but as I have the aforementioned teeeeeny tiny shoulders, this might not be a problem for most people.

Quality: 9/10 – It’s really excellent.  Beautiful fabric (and loads of it – seriously, this skirt is amazing), the belt is fabulous, design is superb… Seriously, it’s great.

Comfort: 9/10

Other Fit Comments:  This can show a LOT of cleavage, so some of you may want to pin it or add a few stitches at the bust for comfort.  To each their own!

*For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Weirdly Shaped Lexicon, click here to check out words you’ll be finding on the ol’ brog.  But for now: BOUS = Breasts of Unusual Size.


A very large thank you to Justin of Wildcat Photgraphy for the wonderful photos and for being such a pleasure to work with.

Farewell for now, my lovelies.

Would you like to see more of Heart of Haute’s clothing on the brog?  (I hope so, because you’re going to.)

What is your favorite piece that they make?

Have you taken a moment lately to enjoy some small pleasure?

How about a great one?

Leave me a note, Gentle Readers.  It gets lonely out here in the desert.